Scattered Pieces
by SoulSeeker
Summary: Shirley tries to sort out the bits and pieces of her memories, after they unexpectedly come back to her in the strangest moment of her life.


**Title:** Scattered Pieces  
**Author:** Amm (SoulSeeker)  
**Fandom:** _Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion:_ Using his Geass powers of mind control, Lelouch Lamperouge — a former member of the Britannian royal family — sets out to take down his jerkass father's corrupt empire, in order to create a world where his precious sister Nunnally can be safe.  
**Wordcount:** 2,510  
**Taunt:** My fandom is sometimes called Gayass. For good reason.

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My head is spinning. My thoughts are running rampant in so many different directions, I can't even tell which way is up any more.

Nothing makes sense. Nothing feels familiar any more—it all just feels cold, foreign, and distorted. And distant — everything seems far away now. Everything and everyone; it's like they're just beyond my reach. Maybe that's why I'm running now — to catch up. Running, because that's what I thought I had to do. It's the only thing that feels right, but I don't know why, and I don't even know what I'm running from. What exactly happened just now?

It kind of felt like watching my life flash before my eyes: a different life, a life that felt so alien, so weird that at first, I thought it must have been a dream. But with each passing image, each little picture that flashed in my mind, I felt more convinced that it wasn't. Those glimpses I saw, those scenes — they were _real_. These were my real memories, and _I lived through them._

But where have they been until now? What happened to them? And why were they so fleeting? Each scene only lasted for a brief second, and then it faded away. But thinking back now, I definitely remember each one. It's all a big jumbled mess in my head — like the scattered pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that now I've got to put together. But it's all there — I remember everything.

First it was the craze over the Black Knights. Everyone was excited for that battle at Narita, and I remember cheering right alongside them. Maybe that's why my father's death was particularly hard on me — maybe that's why I never felt like I had the right to cry, to mourn him. I always held it in. I actually had the nerve to cheer for the Black Knights — for the battle that took his life. I thought it was _cool_. Just thinking about it makes me feel like dirt. Like it was all my fault.

But no. No, that's where Lulu comes in, doesn't he? Or at least, that's what Miss Viletta told me. That's right. She wasn't our gym teacher after all. No. And she knew: she was the one who was trying to tell me the whole time that Lulu was Zero, that _he_ was the one responsible for everything the Black Knights did. But how, how could I even begin to believe that? After he everything he did for me — the way he showed up that night, in the rain, soaking wet — and even apologized for being late. He didn't even want to be there. I could tell he had other things on his mind, and yet he didn't complain once. Not even after I started crying. Not even after I _kissed him_.

The mere thought of it actually stopped me in my tracks. I'm breathing heavily now; of course I am, I've been running from god knows what. Did I really kiss him? I must have. I still remember the overwhelming guilt I felt for it. Taking advantage of him like that... I even apologized to him.

No, it wasn't until later that I'd actually start to believe Miss Viletta. Believe her, and shoot her for it to protect his secret. I didn't want to — my hands are trembling now, just like they were that day as I held his gun. I'm praying that the bullet will miss. It's like I'm reliving it. The shock I felt when that mask slipped off him, when I took his gun in my hands... I'm feeling it all over again. And she's not even the only person I've shot.

My knees suddenly gave way under me. I'm on the cold ground now, and I'm shaking, wishing that whatever had just happened would undo itself. I don't want these memories. I just want things to go back to he way they were before. I want to remember my friends — I want to remember Lulu, the way I've always remembered him. I don't want any more of these lies. But I can't. I can't take the good memories and forget the bad. He tried that. It must've been why he made me forget everything... But it would be too good to be true, too selfish.

I've always been selfish. I can't... I can't be that way anymore... and if that means I have to accept Lulu as Zero... as the man who was responsible for killing my father, and all those people, then... then maybe that's just what I have to do. Maybe this is what he's been fighting all along. This world of lies, of deceit. Fighting all by himself...

I have to help him.

I'm back on my feet again, though I'm not sure how I managed it. I just knew I needed to find him. He needs to know. He needs to know that I don't hate him; that even though everyone else may lie and deceive and wear a mask — I won't. I never will again. I can't do that to him. I know that my memories were tampered with... but now that they're back, I've got to stay true.

Someone's standing in front of me. I can see her long, blonde hair shining in the sunlight. It almost blinded me, but I'm approaching her anyway now, slowly. My hand reaches for her shoulder.

"M-madame President?" Her face is the first one that popped into my head. Maybe she would know where to find Lulu — they seemed to be close enough of friends. I suppose it couldn't hurt to at least ask,though I _know _she'll tease me for it. I swallow, hoping to quell the butterflies churning in my stomach, and with a deep breath, I just blurt it out as she turns around, slowly: "Er, have you seen —"

— _Lulu? _I can hear his name in my head, but for some reason I just can't seem to blurt it out. I'm too busy staring. Staring in front of me like one of those stupid horror movie girls who are always the first to die. And it really _is_ like something out of a bad horror movie. Her face doesn't look like Milley's at all. I close my eyes, blinking them a few times, just to make sure they aren't lying to me too. I keep watching her — she's smiling at me, but hasn't said a single word to me yet — and I finally notice that her face doesn't even seem to be real.

It falls off and hits the ground with a loud thunk, which echoes throughout the hallway. Some kind of mask. It disappears after that, but strangely enough, this doesn't even bother me. I'm too focused on her face, which seems blackened somehow. Obscured, even though it's in plain sight. No. That wasn't Madame President... My feet start to back up without me even realizing it, and, still contemplating why I had seen what I just did, I break into a run.

I admit it. I'm scared. I'm tired, but I have to keep on running. Have to get away...

"Rivalz? Ohgi?" Two more figures appear in front of me, and I recognize them instantly. I stop for a moment, anxiously waiting for them to turn around. When they did however, the exact same thing happened. Just like before, with Madame Pres... it wasn't them, and the same fear was churning up inside of me. I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest.

This can't be happening. Nina, Suzaku... all of the school council members... who else is there left for me to trust? Is... is there anyone?

_Where was he?_

But just ask the thought pops into my head, I look around frantically and find the answer to my question in the form of another shadow, quietly lurking in the corner. He catches my eye and I walk towards him slowly, but he doesn't seem to notice me. In fact, just as soon as I get close to him, he casually begins to walk away from me. I can't help but narrow my eyes, watching him in utter confusion.

"Lulu?" I call out to him, hoping to get his attention. But he just keeps on walking. I saw him turn a sharp corner, and without any hesitation, I decide to follow him. There are doubts at the back of my mind, just hovering there, trying to confuse me. But I know it is him; it has to be.

I manage to keep behind him for a few rooms (they were small), but not knowing the layout of this strange place kind of puts me at a disadvantage. I lose him, of course and, not really knowing what else to do, I just stand there and look around, hoping that — I don't know, maybe he'd jump out at me or something equally ridiculous. Instead, I see someone else. Someone shorter this time, with short, wavy silver hair that looked familiar. My instinct at first is to back away, since I am still jumpy and afraid that he'll be just like the others... but I calm down a little when I actually hear his voice.

"Shirley?" He looks rather surprised to see me — though to be fair, it's not like I was exactly expecting to see him either.

"Rolo!"

"What are you doing here?" His voice is critical, and he looks at me like I don't belong, like he wants me to leave. Any other time, I would have taken the hint and actually done so. (I don't like to stay where I'm not wanted, after all.) But I opt to stay. I need to ask him. Since he's supposedly his brother now — taking Nunnally's place, no less — maybe he'll know...

"Listen, have... have you seen Lulu?" I murmur to him slowly. I hope I don't look as desperate as I feel...

"Lelouch?" He says it like he didn't know who I meant; like he needed to translate the nick name or something. I would've thought everyone would be used to it by now, but I guess I was wrong. "He's not here right now. And you shouldn't be either."

"Oh..." I look down towards my feet, mumbling to myself: "But I could have sworn, I saw him... I followed him right to you."

It seems I said it soft enough that he didn't quite hear me, which for some reason strikes me as a good thing. I am a little hesitant to say anything to him at all after that, however, so I kept quiet. It must have shown on my face, since he's looking at me suspiciously, as he asks: "Why are you looking for my brother?"

I return his suspicion, a part of me wondering why he referred to Lulu in such a possessive way. I honestly don't know if I can trust him either. He certainly doesn't trust me, I can tell — and he doesn't know that I've got my memories back. Would it matter if he knew? What was his role in any of this? In all my jumbled memories, I couldn't quite figure it out. I wondered what Lulu himself might tell me to do... but Rolo was looking at me expectantly now, and I realized I didn't really have the time to think too hard.

I couldn't rely on what anyone else would do, not any more. Not Lulu, not anybody. So, instead I made the decision to talk, and open up a little. Despite his suspicion, despite us being strangers, I'm somehow getting the feeling that the little guy actually cares for Lulu, and maybe he can help me. Maybe he's on my side. Maybe we could work together, and both help him and support him in what he's doing....

So I explain what's on my mind. How I'm worried about Lulu, how I need to talk to him, want to talk to him about what his plans are, and what the Black Knights are doing. How I wanted to help him create this ideal world without lies, without deceit — a beautiful world where we could all live together in harmony, and where he could be reunited with Nana, his sister. Because I know — I know, that unless his memories were tampered with too, Lulu missed her dearly.

I must've acted more frantic than I thought. Rolo's giving me this strange look now: did I actually manage to scare him somehow? I suddenly really hope that I don't get this way all the time, talking about Lulu. How embarrassing that would be!

And how strange. I could've sworn, for a second... well, I guess I'm really not sure what it was. Something weird with Rolo's eyes... maybe he blinked or... they changed color somehow? It was probably a trick of the light. I shake my head a little, shutting my eyes as I try to get my vision back into focus — but when I open them again, he's gone.

"Rolo...? Hey, did you just feel —"

I take a step forward, turning my head to look for him. I figure I must have just gotten disoriented turned around or something, that he might have been in another part of the room. But I don't see him at all. Unnghh... no... in fact, I d-don't see anything... and after taking that step forward, the next thing I know I somehow find myself collapsed on the ground. And … and in pain... somehow everything just really hurts. As if someone had … had....

"Blood?" I strain my neck up a little bit, attempting to examine my stomach area, which was now soaked in red. "That wasn't... wasn't there... before... R-rolo?"

I let my head fall back down and start staring at the ceiling again. It was just too heavy, too much of a strain on my neck to hold up like that... and at least the ceiling isn't coated in my blood. How did this happen anyway? Who... who did this to me...?

Did... Did I maybe say something wrong? Is this it, am I... am I done? Who could possibly be around to help me, after all?

I can tell my breathing's getting heavier by the minute. This isn't good... I should call a doctor. That would be something wise to spend your last waking moments on. I need one, I know. But the person I really need to talk to is Lulu... yes, I'll call him instead... if only my arm wasn't being so difficult to move. I struggle for a little while, but it's really not worth my strength. I can hear footsteps now, which gives me a little bit of hope.

I'll hang on for a little while longer, to talk to this person. Whoever it is, maybe he can pass on my message to Lulu... so he'll know... so he'll know that I was always on his side... always will be...

The pain isn't so bad now anyways. Everything is just numb now...

Numb...

And cold...

* * *

_**A/N:** Assdfghjjk; *hides in shame* Okay, I-I'm sorry for angst and woe in that one guys. And I apologize too if I messed up on describing the canon, as I haven't actually seen this episode (R2 13) or the series in general, in a while. I wanted to write Code Geass fanfic, but I wasn't really sure what to write...so I figured I'd try my own interpretation of a canon event. (So yes, this is the first fic I've written for the fandom. ^^;) _

_Of course, I had to go and pick one of the most depressing events EVER... b-but oh well. She's my favorite character though (and Lelouch/Shirley my favorite couple of the series), and I think this was one of the best scenes to use to try to get into her head..._

_Anyway, I'm more of a fluff-and-happy, rainbows-and-butterflies person myself, so I don't know how this turned out in terms of quality. But I tried my best and... I don't know, I hope I didn't like, burn your eyes or something XD Thanks so much for reading._


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